It Is, What It Is...

Tuesday morning.

I wake up as usual and quickly jump into the shower. I had a meeting to attend to, that I actually was pretty excited about.

Just about an hour and half after I wake up, just finishing up my hair and I feel it coming.

My legs get weak, I get dizzy, I feel like I need to breathe from a new open hole in my diaphragm, and it feels like the world around me just slows down… Muffled.

I try to stay standing up. If I sit, it can get worse, and that's not what I want. I've managed to stay as strong as I could, to help my body assimilate what's going on, and help me take control of myself.

Heavy breathing and tears pouring down my face as if I just heard the worst news of my life.

A few deep breaths later and I text my potential client to cancel our meeting.

My husband praised my decision of canceling after he kindly advised I stay after I tell him what I was noticing.

Few minutes before my episode. I asked my husband:

- “what do you think are my signs I'm going to have an episode?” From your point of view, because I am already feeling annoyed at the fact I have to get dressed and wear shoes. And I don't want to wear shoes and I know I get particularly anxious about wearing shoes sometimes”.

And I went on and on about how much I hated how to wear shoes. Which I really don't, but during this particular time (pmdd days) they feel like a punishment. I can't breath with them on.

Anyways

Husband: “Honey, you started your day listening to System of A Down… I usually stay away the most I can when you start your day like that. I think you should stay home and take care of yourself.”

I had no arguments… But I did had hope.

I'm grateful I noticed and it prompted me to ask. To get outside of my head. I'm glad I didn't ignore myself.

It is, what it is. I've heard, that once you get to this status in life, nothing will bother you from that moment on. You simply stop caring so much.

Just as I got the text back from my sweet potential client, understanding the cancelation and wishing me good health. I found grace within myself to start forgiving my body from its request to rest.

So yes, it is what it is. There's no point on getting angry because I needed a rest day. Because my PMDD decided to show up. No point in trying to stop days like these.

I gain peace. I painted. I end up having a peaceful day. And for that… I'm grateful.

Hey! At least my hair got done and I still looked cute! 🥰

Until next time.